


Lo-Fi Children

by exrthbound



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Gay baby gang
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt No Comfort, I vent too much sorry :(, M/M, Not Beta Read, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 16:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15822864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exrthbound/pseuds/exrthbound
Summary: What happens when someone you truely love passes?Do you really feel any pain?





	Lo-Fi Children

**Author's Note:**

> I vent too much and tbh I feel super pathetic to shove all my sad emotions onto these dorky boys but who doesn't love some good old angst?

A mission gone wrong. That's all it took for John to be grasping Smitty's bleeding body in his arms. 

The latter gasped for breath as he choked on the blood in his lungs. John shook his head, this wasn't real, right? He'd open his eyes again and him and the other male would be sitting on the couch, cuddled up to one another and watching some cheesy romantic comedy. 

John looked down as Smitty gave a lackluster chuckle before putting his hand on top of his boyfriends. This wasn't real. His boyfriend definetly didn't get shot by a stray bullet. He sat in silence as he waited for someone to pop out with a sign that said 'Congrats! You've been pranked!' The moment never came, however.

His breathing turned panicked at he tore off some of his shirt and tied it around the wound, praying it'd do at least something to help. He had to help. He couldn't let his lover die at the hands of some petty gang fight. 

"John." The voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he watched the one below him smile slightly, blood trickling out of him mouth. 

"You know that won't work right? There's no way I'll su-"

"Smitty just shut up okay? I won't let you die, you can't. We haven't even gotten to move in together." The tears stung at his eyes as he shoved his bloodied hands under them to clear the water away. 

"You'll move on, right?" His sadness turned to slight anger as he gripped the other's wrists, holding them tightly. 

"Move on?! How can I move on!? We haven't done enough together Smitty. We've never been to a carnival, or a fancy restaurant, and we'll never be able to get married if you die."

"John, you can't stop the wound, okay? Just promise me you'll get over this. Move on and find someone else, alright?"

"Smitty I- I can't man, please tell me you'll be okay."

His eyes got wide as his friend started choking and coughing more, the blood rushing through his teeth like a waterfall. Smitty quickly grasped John with the little strength he had left and gave him a kiss. Slowly John felt the other male's breathing slow to a complete stop as tears rushed down his face. 

"Smitty?! Please wake up. Please." 

His pleas were unheard by the dead body as his friends quickly move John away from the body. The only sound in the silent room was John's loud crying and the other's muffled sniffles. 

-•-•-•-•-•-

Soon the funeral came, no one talked to John after his boyfriend's death until leading up to the open casket viewing. 

The funeral was made up of mostly family, a few being close friends. Many of them were invited to the viewing, but were turned down saying they weren't as close to Smitty as the few who showed up. 

Lying in between the group was that clump of friends. John was there of course, the speech paper slightly crumpled in his hand as he slowly chatted with some of Smitty's family. Many gave sincere apologies and John waved them all off with a smile and thank you. 

Did they help? Of course they didn't, a simple apology isn't going to bring his lover back from the dead. 

He hadn't cried in at least a week, his eyes had no more tears to shed. Craig stood by him, cradling a glass and making sure the other didn't freak out. Surprisingly enough, the only few members that showed up from their gang was Craig and Evan. 

The rest were from another friend group. Another male named Jon showed up for a bit with his boyfriend Fitz, both giving John a bone crushing hug before apologizing and saying they had to leave. John waved the other two off with a smile on his face. 

It was forced, of course, what action of his wasn't at this point?

-•-•-•-•-•-

"What does it feel like?"

"What?"

"When your lover passes. Does it feel the same as a family member?" 

"No. Not even close. It's so much worse. Have you ever had an experience like this happen; You and someone you hang out with go and get ice cream. You order your favorite and you're so excited when your favorite ice cream comes out on the cone?"

"Yeah."

"Great. Now imagine after waiting so long for this sweet treat, you drop it. It slips straight through your fingers and you just think 'God, if just had a stronger grip this wouldn't have happened.'"

"Yes, go on."

"That's what it feels like. You're flooded by emotions you thought you never had and the whole time you just think 'my grip wasn't strong enough. God if had just held onto them tighter and cared for them more they'd still be here and I'd have a better state of mind.' It's blinding. It's horrifying. It's like getting thrown into a jungle at night with something but a pocket knife."

"Do you have any tips on how to at least bring up your state of mind?"

"There is none truely. After getting their blood stained onto your hands you just feel like you're constantly in a state of grief. Like if you had just done better, it wouldn't have been done. But deep down your soul knows that's a lie, you couldn't have done anything. What if you got shot? They'd feel the same thing you'd be feeling. And do you want them to go through that? No. You never should."

"Do you feel this guilt?" 

"Of course I do. Everyday I wake up with it. I wake up crying from the same nightmare. He's there. I'm here. And every. Single. Time. I see him getting shot. Like I said before, you carry a grief you didn't even know existed. It's heavy. Easily more heavy then your responsibilities until you let it go, or get crushed by it and give up. It's like the final boss in a battle game, you have no idea what to expect but you didn't think it'd be this hard. It's unmanageable, throws off all my responsibilities until I have to have a reality check and go 'there's nothing you can do it change the past.' He told me to move on, but I can't. So I'll just do the second best option, push it away until I can't ignore it."

-•-•-•-•-•-

Months wasted away and the seasons slowly changed back into fall. The scent of pumpkin spies overwhelmed him as he walked into the shop and grabbed the small bundle of flowers. 

"Pink carnations? Who are they for? A family member?" He quietly hissed at the older lady across the counter before pulling out a twenty dollar bill.

"A lover actually." 

"Oh, sweetie I'm so sorry, I hope they really do enjoy these."

"Hopefully, they were always soft." 

He walked away from the counter and down the street to see the rusted sign hang over him with the words 'Los Santos Cemetary' printed onto it. Opening the creaky gate, he turned to the left to see a small tombstone farther away. Smiling, he walked up to it and planted the bundle of flowers on top. 

Pulling out a piece of paper, he looked down at the edges of his grey pencil-like smudged hands. Placing the paper of top. He felt tears leak out of his eyes as he sadly smiled.

"I told you I'd move on, but I just can't. Sorry milk boy." Letting the tears flow, he bent over in on himself. His breathing became shallow as he grasped for breath. 

"I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry Smitty, I tried my best. I truely did. Everyone moved on, but I'm still stuck on the past, pitiful, right?" 

A few minutes passed before John stood up a smiled a bit, twirling the propeller hat that sat on top of the tombstone before walking away. 

The good news was, he guessed, that Smitty always did love writing, and this would be his last melody. 

-•-•-•-•-•-

Slowly the paper flipped open to show the words sprawled across it in blotchy, messy handwriting. 

One upon a time there were two sides of one kingdom. The two sides fought often and hated each other because of the difference in beliefs. One day the two princes from the sides met and fell in love. The two met in secret before they were soon caught and shamed upon. Prince A, devastated by all of the hatred, decided jumping off the castle wall yards above the ground into the moat was the best way out. Prince B, devastated by his lovers suicide, quickly followed by taking too many of his fathers medicine tablets. 

 

Lying on the ground the male smiled at the bottle of empty pills near him. 

'Soon we'll be together.'   
The two thought in unison as their breathing slowly evened into nothing.' 

From,  
John :)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is based on a song I love called Lo-Fi Children by Wild Party. Doesn't have much to do with the fic I just really love it :)
> 
> Insta- Cadspxms  
> Twitter- NooksArt


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